The “Magic Makers”: The Mental Load of the Holiday Season

I’m Amber, the admin here at RPTC. Like most Moms, I proudly wear the heavy, glittering hat of the Christmas Magic Maker in my family.

Juggling work, our home, school, activities, appointments, grocery shopping and being the primary parent is exhausting on a regular day. When you add in the relentless extras around the holidays, that exhaustion quickly mixes with the massive weight of the Magic Maker’s responsibility. Feeling pulled in a million different directions becomes my norm and I often forget about myself (more than usual). And let's be honest, most of the holiday prep we're doing on our own.

As I write this, I’m thinking I should probably be writing our family’s Christmas letter. That’s just one item on a list that seems to be never-ending: coordinating gifts, planning menus, writing cards, decorating, managing schedules, maintaining tradition, budgeting, cooking, and wrapping, just to name a few. This list goes outside of the home, spreading into daycare and school too; special outfits, treats, teacher gifts, etc. Seeing it all laid out, I know the expectations are unfair and impossible. Yet, every December, I inevitably find myself overwhelmed by my own unrealistic list. (My husband just leaned over and asked if I was writing the Christmas letter…)

This challenge is amplified when you're married to a shift-working first responder. I will never forget the Christmas I had to be Santa and the Tooth Fairy solo on the same night. My children are always asking what their Dad will and won’t be around for, and they always assume I will be there for everything. I’ve learned to plan my days assuming I’m solo parenting; if my husband is home (and awake during normal hours), that’s a bonus! I have spent enough holidays alone with the kids now to know that when friends and extended family want to plan something, I simply do not wait for his days off. While I want him to be included, I refuse to spend a holiday waiting around for him to get home while everyone else is with their loved ones. However, I am still learning to stay off social media on those days.

But over the years, as my kids have gotten older, I’ve gained a much better sense of what they truly appreciate and what I can happily take off my to-do list. There are the things I refuse to take off my list because they are actually things I enjoy even though the rest of the family might not. There’s nothing like driving around looking at Christmas lights, telling the kids to just be patient and at least be a little happy because THIS IS SOMETHING YOUR MOTHER WANTED TO DO.

I might not do all the Christmas baking from scratch this year, and that’s okay. Sometimes, it’s actually better to spend the time I would have been baking walking around a Christmas market with my kids and picking out someone else’s kitchen creations. While I am still going to carve out time to write the Christmas letter, I’ve learned to let go of the control in other areas and embrace delegation, a word that I am still uncomfy with, even after 11 years of motherhood!

My kids might want to put the window decals up and spell Christmas wrong, and that’s okay. It's actually really cute. My husband might go to the grocery store and buy a different brand of flour than I would (not as cute), but the cookies still turn out the same.

This ability to let go reminds me of an “Aha!” moment my husband and I had as new parents when our baby would never sleep. We realized there was probably someone who had devoted a lot more time and expertise into that particular area of life that we could hire to help us. It really does seem simple and silly to “forget to ask for help,” but I often forget this, especially during the holidays when I assume everyone else is too busy. So hire someone to do the cleaning, or put up the lights, that’s okay.

And Moms, surround yourself with people who support the decisions you’re making. My kids won’t be going to see Santa this year, and that’s okay. They don’t enjoy going, and I don’t particularly enjoy taking them! When you tell me you will be taking your kids to visit Santa, that is also perfectly okay and I will definitely be ‘hearting’ those photos when I’m scrolling in bed later!

I’m not sure if my hat is any less glittery this year as it was last, but I am trying my best, just like you. So this year, try to delegate tasks, subtract the things that only cause stress (like Santa visits or excessive baking), and support each other by celebrating the choices that lead to a calmer holiday!