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Blog#4- What Every Parent Needs to Know after Pregnancy and Infant Loss-

By: Dr. Teela Tomassetti (PsyD)

(Registered Provisional Psychologist and Founder of RPTC)

What Every Parent Needs to Know after Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Pregnancy and infant loss is one of the most devastating experiences a parent can endure. It’s a loss that is often invisible to the outside world, yet it reshapes everything inside of you. Whether it happens early in pregnancy or after birth, the grief that follows is real, valid, and life-altering. If you’re walking through this right now, or supporting someone who is, here are some things every parent navigating this should know.

Your grief is real, and it matters.

It doesn’t matter how far along you were or how others perceive your loss. Love begins the moment you imagine your baby, and so does grief when that life is gone. Many parents minimize their pain or compare themselves to others, because they didn’t get to hold their baby or because “it wasn’t as far along.” None of that changes the depth of your loss.

There is no timeline for healing.

Some days, you may feel like you can breathe again, and on other days, it may feel like the loss just happened. Grief isn’t linear, and society often offers misconceptions about it, as well as expectations on how someone should be “over it” by a specific time. Grief doesn’t work that way, it comes in waves. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry your loss alongside life, moving forward. Give yourself permission to take the time you need, not the time others expect.

Your body may carry reminders.

Pregnancy and infant loss isn’t only emotional, it’s physical. Hormonal changes, postpartum symptoms, milk production, and medical procedures can all amplify the pain. Be gentle with yourself. Your body is not failing you, it has carried love, and now it is navigating an ending it was never supposed to endure.The traumatic aspect of the experience is also taking a toll on your body impacting areas of the brain that are really important for our functioning each day are either on high alert now due to the loss or shutting down.

You are not alone, even if it feels like it.

One in four pregnancies ends in loss, yet many parents feel silenced by stigma and isolation. Sharing your story, hen you are ready and with safe people, can connect you to others who understand. Support groups, online communities, or even one trusted friend can remind you that your grief does not have to be carried alone.

Relationships may change.

Grief affects everyone differently, and that can be really difficult to understand when we are in the thick of it. You and your partner may grieve in opposite ways, one needing to talk, the other needing silence. Friends or family may not know what to say. Some may avoid you out of discomfort. This can feel like a second loss, or what we call in psychology, secondary losses. Surround yourself with people who can hold space for your grief without judgment or pressure.

It’s okay to hold both love and pain.

The constant push and pull of opposing emotions is exhausting. You may feel joy when you see a friend’s baby and devastation in the same breath. You may smile one moment and sob the next. This duality is part of grieving a child and is complex. Love for your baby will always live alongside the ache of their absence. Both are true, and both are allowed to take up space.

Remembering your baby is healing.

Naming your baby, creating rituals, keeping mementos, writing letters, planting a tree, all of these acts of remembrance are not signs of being “stuck.” They are sacred ways of honouring your child’s existence and keeping their memory alive in your family story. Inviting others into that experience can also be helpful.

Professional support can help.

Loss at this level shakes your nervous system, your identity, and your sense of safety. Therapy, support groups, and trauma-informed care can help you navigate not only the grief but also the anxiety, guilt, or depression that may follow. Reaching for help is not a weakness; it is part of how you survive this.

It’s okay if Hope feels Fragile.

In the depths of loss, hope may feel impossible. Many around you may have the expectation of you to move on, or to express gratitude or hope. You don’t have to. You are allowed to approach hope with caution; you are allowed to feel like it is an emotion that feels far away. The more we create space to understand hope’s fragility, the more likely we are to experience it truly again.

One more thought…

Your baby mattered. Your grief matters. And you deserve support as you navigate this heartbreaking path.

If you’re reading this in the rawness of fresh loss, know this: you are not broken. You are a parent, forever connected to the baby you love. And though this journey is unbearably heavy, you do not have to walk it alone.

Written by: Dr. Teela Tomassetti (PsyD)- Registered Provisional Psychologist, Perinatal Researcher and the Founder of RPTC. Teela is passionate about supporting birth trauma survivors and loss parents, as well as those struggling with fertility. Stay tuned for groups and workshops being offered by her in these areas. You can find her @theteaonbirthtrauma.

Blog#3- Real Talk- How Kids Change Your Relationship (and why it’s Important to Adjust)-

By: Breanne Jones

(Canadian Certitified Counsellor)

Supporting RPTC clients across Canada

Real Talk- How Kids Change Your Relationship (and why it’s Important to Adjust)

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that kids absolutely change your relationship. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that parenthood is just a continuation of the same love story you had before kids. It’s not. And you know what? That’s okay. Relationships evolve, and when kids come into the picture, they shift the dynamic in ways you might never have imagined.

As a clinical counsellor and certified Bringing Baby Home educator, I’ve worked with countless couples who are navigating the transition from just the two of them to becoming parents. Through this training, along with my expertise in The Gottman Method, I’ve learned that one of the most important things couples can do is understand that the relationship has to be “relearned” three times in life: before kids, during kids, and after the kids leave the house.

Phase 1: Before Kids—You and Your Partner, Just You

Before kids, your relationship is probably all about spontaneous date nights, Netflix binges, and being able to talk for hours without any interruptions. You know each other’s rhythms, needs, and quirks, and there’s a sense of ease in your relationship. But when kids enter the picture, this dynamic shifts drastically.

In this pre-kid phase, you can afford to focus on each other, on your wants, needs, and desires. There’s time for connection, deep conversations, and moments of intimacy that are often put on the back burner after the kids arrive. But as exciting as the idea of adding a little one to the family is, it can also be intimidating, because you know things are going to change.

Pro Tip from the Gottmans: The foundation of a strong relationship is not about perfection, but about the couple’s ability to repair after conflict. This is something I bring into sessions- start practicing good communication habits early on, so that when kiddos come, you have the tools to navigate those inevitable bumps along the way.

Phase 2: During Kids—New Needs, New Challenges

This is where things really shift. The arrival of kids marks a seismic change in the relationship. Suddenly, your need, and your partner’s needs, are different. You go from being lovers and friends to co-parents, and that transition can be difficult.

Kids demand time, energy, and emotional resources. You may find yourself feeling exhausted, touched out, or emotionally drained after a long day of diaper changes, school runs, and temper tantrums. The spontaneous date nights disappear, and the deep conversations become a distant memory. The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of maintaining intimacy even during the most chaotic of parenting years. But here's the trick: it’s not always easy to nurture your relationship while keeping a small human alive.

Gottman Tip: The importance of bids for connection cannot be overstated. Even if you’re exhausted or overwhelmed, taking the time to acknowledge and respond to your partner’s emotional bids is crucial for keeping the connection intact. Whether it’s a quick touch on the arm or a 2-minute check-in before bed, these little moments of attention can make a world of difference.

This phase can feel overwhelming, but it’s also where your relationship can grow stronger than ever, if you allow it. Communicate about the changes you’re both experiencing, and don’t ignore your individual needs.

Phase 3: After Kids Leave—The "Empty Nest" Phase

Ah, the empty nest phase—your kids are grown, and suddenly, it’s just the two of you again. This phase can feel like a second honeymoon, or it can feel like you’re living with a stranger. Why? Because the dynamic has completely changed.

After kids leave, your relationship needs a whole new level of reconnection. You’ve both changed as people, as parents, and now it’s time to reconnect as partners. Without the distractions and responsibilities of raising children, you might find that you’ve grown apart in unexpected ways. But this phase doesn’t have to be awkward. In fact, it can be the most exciting phase of your relationship, if you approach it with intention.

Gottman Tip: You and your partner need to rediscover each other, and the goal is to be intentional about connection. This means carving out time for fun, adventure, and exploring new things together, just like you did in the early days of your relationship. It also means communicating honestly about your emotional needs and acknowledging that both of you have changed over the years.

The Key to Surviving All Three Phases: Communication and Flexibility

In each phase: before kids, during kids, and after, the key is communication. Your needs will shift, and if you don’t talk about it, that’s where the disconnect happens. Talk about what’s changing, what’s hard, and what’s helping. If you’re not on the same page, it’s easy to drift apart.

And if you’re in the middle of raising kids and feel like you’ve lost the connection with your partner, don’t panic. It’s common. Just make sure to actively work on reconnecting, be kind to each other, and continue to communicate through the different stages of your relationship.

Written by: Breanne Jones, Canadian Certified Counsellor, passionate about working with Perinatal Mental Health Issues, Birth Trauma, and Couples, to name a few. Breanne is based out of our Winnipeg, Manitoba chapter and sees Winnipeg folks in person. She also offers online therapy support across Canada. She is our COUPLES GURU and excels in the area!

Blog#2- 6 Tips to Support your Own Nervous System as a Parent During Summer-

By: Megan Ivancic

(Registered Psychologist)

6 Tips to Support Your Own Nervous System as a Parent During Summer

Summer can bring a mixture of emotions for parents and children alike. While we may be excited for the warm weather and summer fun… we might also be aware of the extra time to fill at home. The pressure and expectations to have an unforgettable summer or the daily TikTok and Instagram reminders that you only have ____ number of summers left with your children.

As parents, it can feel difficult to balance everything. This is your reminder to be gentle with yourself throughout these summer months. To help you thrive this summer (not just survive!), we have created a list of tips and reminders to keep in mind.

1.The Benefits of Boredom

As parents, we may feel the need or pressure to keep our children busy or entertained during the summer months. While activity planning can be enjoyable, it can also add extra stress for parents juggling multiple demands in their lives. The good news is that there are several benefits associated with boredom. It can provide opportunities for children to participate in unstructured play, engage their creative minds and enhance problem-solving abilities. It also gives the parent or caregiver a moment for themselves.

2. Co-regulation is Key

Although the summer months can be a time for connection and fun, they can also feel swamped. To support your child through the ups and downs of this summer, it is essential to make time for yourself. Prioritizing activities that bring you joy helps you show up for both yourself and your family. These acts of self-care can help us remain calm and regulated when emotions become heightened in the home. Remember, our little ones rely on us to teach them how to handle those big emotions that come up. Co-regulation allows our children to match our emotional state and navigate their own feelings and reactions. By staying grounded and calm ourselves, we are providing them with the feelings of safety and security to get through those moments.

3. Engage Your 5 Senses! (Sight, Sound, Touch, Taste, and Smell)

Summertime offers numerous opportunities to get outside and explore. Try engaging your children's five senses this summer. Encourage children to activate their five senses when in nature, noticing the sights, sounds, and smells around them. Perhaps collecting a few treasures on a nature walk, such as stones or walking sticks. These experiences can lead to mindfulness, which allows us to be fully present in the moment. It can also contribute to feelings of groundedness and emotional regulation. You can get the whole family involved and add in your elements, such as blowing bubbles, sidewalk chalk, and more.

4. Schedule Time for Quiet Activities

With everyone home during the summer months, we know that things can get loud and maybe a little chaotic at times. Scheduling short periods of quiet time for family members to participate in independent activities, such as reading, colouring, building with Lego, or taking a nap, can offer some moments of peace for parents and caregivers in need. In a society that constantly tells us to keep going and be productive, it's essential to start them early in understanding that rest is also productive. Encourage everyone to participate and take a moment to recharge.

5. Family Challenges

Get creative this summer with family challenges that bring everyone together towards a common goal. Make the challenge a day or a week long and brainstorm any age-appropriate activities that work for your children and family members. Does the dog need a walk? Dishes need to be put away? Floor needs to be cleared? Get everyone involved to help out and come up with a fun reward at the end of the challenge. For instance, a game night, pizza dinner, or a prize bin; whatever works best for you! These incentives can offer additional motivation for children to get involved and work together.

6. Reach out to your Support Network

This is your reminder that it’s okay to lean on your support networks and ask for help when you need it. Asking for help is not a weakness but a sign of strength. And a great tool to show your children how to do it early on in life, normalizing that we need one another. Alternatively, you can plan an outing for your child and bring someone along whom you enjoy spending time with. Creating opportunities for connection can enhance the outing for everyone.

You do not need to be a perfect parent during summer; you are allowed to show up as your authentic self and take care of yourself, too!

Written by: Megan Ivancic, Registered Psychologist, passionate about working with: Mom Rage, Perinatal Mental Health Issues, Birth Trauma, to name a few.

Blog#1- Trauma-Informed Care- not just a buzzword here-

By: Dr. Teela Tomassetti

In recent years, the concept of trauma-informed care has gained significant traction across various fields, and let’s be real, it has become quite the buzzword. You don't have to look far from healthcare and education to criminal justice and social services to see the phrase used. But what does it truly mean to be “trauma-informed,” and why is it so crucial to the work that we do at RPTC?

What Is Trauma-Informed Care?

Trauma-informed care (TIC) is an approach that recognizes the widespread impact of trauma and understands potential paths for recovery. It shifts the traditional question from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”—promoting compassion, empathy, and understanding rather than blame or judgment. The goal is to create environments that are physically and emotionally safe, where individuals feel empowered and supported in their healing journey so that they can open up and break free from the silence that often keeps them stuck.

Understanding Trauma

Trauma is not limited to physical injuries or dramatic events. It encompasses a wide range of experiences that overwhelm a person’s ability to cope. It is truly a subjective experience and one that the individual does not choose, but their nervous system's clock that event or moment in time as trauma. What is upsetting to one may not be to the next. This is a deep consideration that we have for the work we do at RPTC. We acknowledge that each person who steps through our doors is unique, as is that nervous system, and that we need to consider how THEY view their story, not how we or society may come to understand it. Part of how we work with the communities we serve is having a thorough and clear understanding of how the brain works and the various areas that take a hit because of the traumatic event.

How does Trauma-Informed Care Show up at RPTC?

We know that it is truly the client who gets to decide if they have experienced trauma-informed care. And there are considerations that we make as a centre to help that to happen:

  1. Safety: Ensuring physical and emotional safety for clients and staff.

  2. Trustworthiness and Transparency: Building trust through clear, honest communication.

  3. Peer Support: Incorporating voices and experiences of those with lived trauma.

  4. Collaboration and Mutuality: Levelling power dynamics; everyone has a role in healing.

  5. Empowerment, Voice, and Choice: Supporting individuals in making their own choices. Offer options to foster autonomy and self-agency.

  6. Create predictable environments: Consistency fosters a sense of safety and stability.

  7. Cultural, Historical, and Gender Sensitivity: Recognizing systemic trauma and addressing biases.

  8. Language: We know the power of our words, and we choose them carefully.

  9. Practice self-awareness: Reflect on our own reactions and potential biases.

  10. CONSENT, CONSENT, CONSENT. Consent is our work's foundation and an ongoing process at RPTC.

The Benefits of Trauma-Informed Care

Why is this so important to us? Because the communities we support with birth trauma, pregnancy loss, fertility and infertility struggles, maternal and paternal mental health, endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Perimenopause, and IUD trauma, they all share a few things in common. Often, they express being harmed or not feeling heard by systems and other providers. They have frequently felt dismissed or minimized and as if they cannot take up space with their trauma. Many have dealt with isolation for years or even decades, and being in a trauma-informed environment allows the opportunity to break free from the isolation and move into healing.

Final Thoughts

Trauma-informed care is more than a checklist—it is more than a buzzword—it’s a philosophy that centers empowerment, dignity, and connection. In a world where trauma is more common than we often acknowledge, embracing this approach is not just compassionate—it’s essential. So, we will continue to amplify silenced experiences at RPTC and work from a trauma-informed lens. We may not always get it perfectly, but we will do our absolute best to try.

Blog by: Dr. Teela Tomassetti, Founder and Registered Provisional Psychologist specializing in birth trauma.